God is a 🅱️eta and he ruined my life.

What’s up all you dudes🍆 and dudettes🍑, boy do I have a story 4 U today, so sit back, stick your hand in your pants 🤘 and enjoy. This is the story of how some fire lsd 🤯 made me an environmental hero 😖.

So one day I was at my extremely obese neighbors house🤰🏿💯. I normally wouldn’t be caught dead at such a grotesquely fat mans house 🤰🏿💯 (bad for the rep 😎), but my engorged 🤰🏿💯 acquaintance has the most fire shit. Good thing he has such fire 🔥 shit, or I would never hang out with him🤣🤣🤣😎. So I popped a couple tabs of fire lsd 🤯 to get my blood boiling for my interview later that day at the local sushi 🍣 shop.

Turns out, I had a SUPER BAD TRIP 😭😭😭. Why was it a bad trip, you ask 🧐? That schmack 😩 LSD put me in contact with none other than God himself 🙏🙏🙏. That’s right, the big man 👆🙌. Everybody describes him as an old black man 👴🏿 with a long beard, but honestly he was asian AF 👲🏻 and was kinda beta 🤣🤣🤣😭. So God tells me what’s up. He says “Hey, u little lukewarm faggot 😏? Thou arst a holy prick ✝️and therefore, I’m going to make you 👉🏼👉🏼ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS😡😡😡😡!!!”

Like anyone would, I got super confused 🤷‍♂️ . I said “what the fuck does that mean God?”

God said, “from now 🔛, anytime you see trash on the ground, you 👉🏼must pick it 👆🆙👆🚯”

God 👲🏻 the all knowing immortal being wants me to pick 🆙 trash like a faggot😑😑???? I said “God, wtf, are you seriously gonna make me pick up trash like a faggot 😱😱😱”

“Yes nigga.” Said God 👲🏻💯.

I ignored that 🅱️eta and went about my day. But sure enough, every time I saw trash on the ground, the THA LSD⚡️ FOR REAL MADE ME PICK 🆙 TRASH 😱😱 and everybody🧑‍🌾🕵🏿‍♂️👩‍🍳👮‍♂️ saw me 👀do it too🤧🤧. I was sooo 😳embarrassed 😳. Every time I picked up tha trash 🗑, my whole body filled ⬆️up⬆️ with unadulterated rage 🤬🤬🤬. Some bitch came up to me once and said “Good job 👏 you fine 🔥citizen 👁👄👁 of the country 🇺🇸.” And I got soooooo MAD 😡 that I said “Ohhhhhhh boy💁‍♂️. Ooooohhhhhhhh 🅱️oy🚹. Here we go. Heeerrreee we go. You think 🤔 I want this 😑? You think I want 2 pick 👆up👆 trash 🗑, like a little bird 🦜 loving 🥰 tree 🌳 faggot???? YOU THINK I WANT TO HELP GODS GREEN🐊 FLAT ➖ EARTH 🌍????? NO😡. I DONT 😡. THAT BETA GOD👲🏻 AND SUM FIRE 🔥 LSD⚡️MADE ME FINNA DO IT 🥵🤮.” All that man had to say in response was 😱. Then he ran 🏃🏿away 🔀 in terror 🤣🤣. What a pussy😏

This other time, I was on my way 🏃🏻‍♂️ to my step moms house 😱 to go flirt with her😏 with my camouflage AirPod Pros in💯💯🤑 when I come across a trash 🗑 can that had spilled all its trash🗑 contents. I normally would have kicked 🦵the trash 🗑 and said fuck that 🖕🏿 trash, like an alpha, but then I got so pissed 😡 off 🤬🤬 because God started breathing 👁👄👁 down my neck👎🏽👎🏽. Then I started picking 👆🆙👆that trash 🗑 like an absolute beta faggot 😰😰. Then, in the middle of the process 😦 some dumb bitches 👯‍♀️ started picking 👆up👆 dat trash 2! 🙀🙀🙀 I stopped✋🏼 🛑 dead 💀 in my tracks 🚷. I looked 👀 at God 👲🏻 and God👲🏻 looked 👀 back at me 🧔🏻. God gave me the God Nod 🙌🙌🙌 the most holiest of Nods 🙏🙏🙏🙏. I was free to go.

“Thanks 4 taking over, u dumb bitches👯‍♀️ it’s your 👉🏼👉🏼 problem now👅 as long as someone picks up dat trash 🗑, God cool wit me dippin🤣🤣🤣.” I pulled out my dank 🍁AF 🔥 purple 🚺 iPhone 11 Pro Max ™️ and I switched tha song 🎵 to “Still Dre” and put it 🔛 repeat 🔁. Epic moment indeed ✔️ my dudes 🍆 and dudettes 🍑.

I can’t keep vibing 🕺at my regular level 🔥 if I got dat 🅱️eta God hanging his 🅱️allsack 🍒 in all my 🅱️ersonal affairs. How am I ever gonna lay pipe on some 🅱️ussy if God always making me act up? Fine bitties gonna take one look at me and think 🅱️ird lover 🦜faggot 🥱.

Plz😩🍆💦 can someone plz 😩🍆💦 fix this problem? How do I kill dat all powerful 💥 being God 👲🏻?

Submitted September 15, 2020 at 11:51PM by patrick-thegamerdad https://ift.tt/2ZHgfru