Introducing myself

Hi, I thought I’d introduce myself and share a bit of my journey with others. This is going to be a text Wall, so sorry in advance.

I’m in my early 30s and now I identify as pan. Around the time I hit puberty I started questioning my sexuality and for quite a few years thought I was gay. Then I realised I liked guys as well, but I didn’t really know how to process it so I did deny it for awhile. I didn’t have much luck with girls as a teenager, though I had a few minor experiences. When I started dating a guy experienced a lot of bi phobia from some of the lesbians in the LGBT community I had spent quite a few years with back home.

This really crushed me and I think I suppressed my sexuality for awhile and basically just assumed the mentality that I was straight.

However whenever I was single I would always be very attracted to women and would hope that maybe the next relationship I had would be with one.

After a couple of relationships that really weren’t great, but taught me a lot, I got into a relationship with a really lovely guy who is sys gender and identifies a straight. Basically to cut a long story short I was feeling like I needed to know what it was like to have experiences with other people from all different genders (and I suppose non-genders as well). I also wasn’t sure whether monogamy or polyamory was the right way for me to go.

He was very understanding and we basically arranged for me to have a bit of time to do this. I ended up hooking up with a lovely trans-woman from a local bi group, but then mentally couldn’t really handle the fallout from that. I had pretty big feelings for her as well and my partner wasn’t really up for polyamory. We ended up breaking up and I had a short but intense relationship with this woman.

We both had a lot of mental health stuff going on though and ended up parting ways, though we are still friends of a sort and speak to each other now and then.

After some therapy and some time alone me and my ex partner (the nice one from above) did end up getting back together. And I’ve also decided that polyamory is not for me. My ex-girlfriend definitely wanted that at some point and was regularly practising before we met. I have massive respect admiration for people who can do it, but the idea of it was just too much when it started to become a real possibility and it wasn’t just about me.

I think because of the Bi phobia that I experienced, and the fact that quite a lot of people who identify straight seem to think being bi a pan is a phase, I did feel like my sexual identity wasn’t valid if I was in a straight relationship. I know this probably sounds silly but my mind was in a weird place. Now I know that’s not the case. I probably will and hope I will always be pan. sexual, no matter what gender the person is or isn’t.

Submitted May 30, 2020 at 01:03AM by OvateWolf https://ift.tt/3dcusBr