Ive been meaning to tell my ma that I'm pän for a while now, but every time I tell myself "right this is the time right now you can do this", my stomach heaves and my brain just starts flipping every switch screaming in terror.
It's not about worrying if she would accept me or not, I know she will. She's wanted me to be gay for my entire life, just to spite my subtly homophobic dad (that is a whole other kettle o' fish) but the actual act of saying "hey mama I'm pansexual" strikes me like a dagger.
This may just be me being more autistic than normal, but I'm concerned that nobody in my family will know, and that if I came out in collage, then it would be too late to smooth everything out, and I would ruin the relationship I have with my mother.
On top of this, I've told almost all of my friends, and if I make new friends it's uncovered pretty quickly, but something about changing the view of me someone that close has, terrifies me to the core.
There is also the chance she might not know what pansexual is and I will have to have an awkward conversation with her explaining it, which would do wonders for my social anxiety (not).
Help meh
Submitted April 02, 2020 at 05:15PM by IzJusMeOG https://ift.tt/2xIKd3i
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