2020 is going to be an insane year for me, and as such, I've decided to go all in. This year started out being one of the best years of my life, and then within the same six-month span, I lost my great-grandmother, a close friend moved far away, I had to part with one of my best friends of all time due to the relationship becoming toxic, and my best friend/boyfriend (someone I had trusted more than anyone else throughout my entire life) of over a year lied to me, betrayed my trust, then broke up with me unexpectedly, leaving me, for not the first time, feeling very alone and without friends in the terrible, gossipy small town where I live.
Thus, I've decided 2020 is going to be my year, and I'm beginning here. I'm scared to admit it to anyone else in my immediate life at the moment, but I've decided to come out to the internet. So to you, reading this, I'm pretty certain I'm pansexual. I'm female, and I've known it for about two and a half years now on some level via the typical signs (crushing on a gal pal, thinking to myself about how hot Gwyneth Paltrow is, losing count of the attractive people on TikTok, falling in love based purely on someone's personality, etc.) but I've never really, honestly claimed a label before now. I'm still not sure I always will in the future, but for now, it fits me and who I know I am. I just like people. It's simple.
And the reason that this is such a big deal for me, just coming out on Reddit, something so many people have done by now, is because I'm determined to be as open as myself on my university campus as I'm being here, anonymously on an internet forum. This is a little time capsule to myself, when I'm on campus in a year in the future today, when I'm wearing what I want to wear, like collared button-ups and high tops, cutting my hair short the way I want to, getting a tattoo if I want to, making all kinds of new friends, getting a degree in a subject I love, and dating and loving whomever I want to. This is going to be my year of self-expression, discovery, and change. I'm still learning to love myself too, and I hope this is one step in the right direction.
I'm terrified to post this, but here we go. Thank you for reading my little coming out note to whoever feels like reading, as well as to and for myself.
To my future self, in a year. <3
Submitted December 30, 2019 at 06:33PM by TheOdd23 https://ift.tt/2Q8Lwzd
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