Pride procrastination, I suppose

It's the last few minutes of Pride month and all month I thought about whether or not to "come out" on facebook.

I have repressed my sexuality my whole life and I wasn't able to think about it for myself until this year. I'm 29 and for probably the past 7 years I've known I'm not straight, but I wasn't emotionally capable of thinking about it. I always had more important things to do than figure out my sexuality. It was always on the back burner. I only acted on sexual feelings when I was drunk anyway, otherwise I couldn't overcome the anxiety of having desire, let alone having other people want me.

But I did it, I figured it out and I came out to myself and close friends earlier in the year. I want to say something to all the people I know, it's not that I'm scared that people won't support me or anything, I can't think of anyone I'm friends with on facebook that would say anything shitty. But I also feel like it's not really everyone's business, ya know?

But I want to be part of pride. I want to have pride in who I am because it took me a very long time to get here for myself, I just don't know if I want to do it yet. I have done so much work on myself to be able to reach this point and I want to celebrate that and tell everyone, but I just don't have all my thoughts together in the way I want to for it. I think I've put pressure on myself to "come out" during pride month, as if that's the only time to do it.

So, I guess I figured I'd say something here because part of accepting myself was joining this sub and allowing myself to come into a community, even if I hadn't posted yet. I'm still not ready to start dating, and with the pandemic going on, it's not like that's even on my mind. But I know now that I was never going to feel whole until I let myself be okay with being a sexual person and loving whoever I wanted.

Anyway, thanks for being here, y'all are super cute and I hope that I can keep growing and feeling better about who I am and not feel so bad about all the years I wasn't ready to accept myself.

Happy Pride

Submitted June 30, 2020 at 09:58PM by iliketocolor585 https://ift.tt/2Zog7fz