Help, I Can't Decide 19M

So about February, a friend of mine saw something about myself that I hadn't. He asked me what my sexuality was, and I told him that I was straight, but he refused for that to be the answer and had a guess of his own as to what I was and refused to tell me. Before that I thought for a while in high school 2 years ago, I was Bi, however, that was short-lived. After talking to a different friend, she told me that I was probably pan. This opened up a new door for me that not only helped me rethink my attractions, but I felt more sure of where I was in the spectrum. I went back to the original friend and told him of my revelation and he said it was good enough for him, which gave me satisfaction in myself.

It's now June and sometimes I question my sexuality, I've told a few people about my sexuality, but sometimes when I tell them, I doubt myself and feel like I'm lying. At some point I felt lost, I want to know what I am, but to do that, I would tell you guys about myself.

I've only dated girls, however ever since the start of high school when asked, I've always said that I would date a guy, the problem was, was that I'm not that attracted to guys, there are moments where I find that one guy cute as well as celebrity crushes (i.e. Will Toledo of Car Seat Headrest and Jake Gyllenhaal), but I don't build the courage to even get to know them (it's funny when it suddenly becomes harder making friends with someone you have a crush on). I'm attracted to trans women as well, or if anyone looks feminine then they have my attention. If a guy acted feminine my heart would be racing. It's a little hard to explain about the guy side of attraction without being offensive as I don't want to be stepping on anyone's toes.

I understand that the great thing about one's own sexuality is that they can choose whatever they want to be that they are comfortable with, however, personally I would like it very much if anyone can just tell me what I am, or at least point me in the right direction. If I offended anyone who reads this, I apologize, I'm (relatively) new to the community and don't know the lingo all the well. Thanks in advance. If anyone has questions, please feel free to ask, I'm an open book.

Submitted June 22, 2020 at 07:15PM by apheximpala https://ift.tt/37WLZf1