So basically my SO has come out as being Pan in the last year or so. She has always expressed an interest in both men and women during our relationship, which I have been totally fine with, and recently discovered that her attraction doesn't lie within the binary. This is also totally understood and accepted by me, but she has started to express that she feels she isn't experiencing enough.
Of course I started to ask if she wanted to see other people, which she was unsure of, but the thought had crossed her mind. This did unfortunately upset me as I've always been a strictly monogamous person when it comes to relationships, and the thought of us splitting up tears me apart. I was abrassive at first but after some time I chilled out and talked with her to see if we could maybe compromise somewhere.
To preface, I'm so monogamous I've turned down multiple fmf and mfm threesomes in my past relationships. When I'm with someone I only want to share my body with them and no one else.
Even though I feel this way, I love this woman so much I'm willing to try some things outside of my comfort zone (which in retrospect is much smaller than I had realized) so I asked if she wanted to experiment with women since her only experiences have ever been with men. She said she's considered it, and that she has had the urge to do so, but didn't want to because she thought I wouldn't accept it.
Then we discussed an open relationship which I was very against because I have an admittedly small mind to that sort of thing as stated previously. We discussed having a female join us at some point, and although hesitant and with some ground rules, I said I would try but if I got too uncomfortable I would like it to stop immediately.
This is where I realized I was being very, very selfish. It came to the point where she asked about other men, and I said I couldn't do that. After lurking here and reading a little bit and seeing the "one dick rule" and how it can make people feel like they can't fully express themselves, it made me realize that I'll probably never be able to give her the experiences she needs to truly be herself. When it came to the non-binary, I was also very hesitant because I am personally not attracted to trans people. That is something I could also not budge on. I don't want to deny her the rights to experience her sexuality to its fullest, but I just don't see that happening if we stay together.
I seriously cannot express how much I absolutely love and adore her and respect her sexuality, so I really feel like it might be best if we split up so she can be her truest self. She says she loves me immeasurably and she is loyal and committed to me, but I can't help but feel like that same commitment could keep her from being her true self.
What should I do? Is it best to tell her to fly free and try out these experiences on her own? Or should I challenge my comfort zone more even though I'm absolutely positive I am hetero-monogamous? I just want what's best for her even if it means I lose her. She deserves to be happy in her own skin.
Submitted June 24, 2020 at 01:47AM by StrongField7 https://ift.tt/2B7G1vZ
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