Greetings fellow humans. I’m in a conundrum. I hope this is an ok place to post this, it’s kind of personal but not too personal. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this, and I don’t want to post this just for the attention, I’m really struggling here and I have NOBODY to talk to... Anyways, I am 22 and I came out during pride month of this year. It was kind of rough. I was afraid of coming out for the longest time because my parents weren’t exactly understanding of that sort of stuff. My sister came out as bi when she was 16, I was about 13, and they were NOT about it. Kept saying she was trying to date girls to get attention, it’s just a fad/faze, blah blah blah. Plus I dislike my sister very much and I didn’t really want to be like her. So I ended up repressing these feelings my whole life so far. I am a cis male, pan of course, but I prefer men and trans women. I’ve kind of dated some men but since it was during a time where I wasn’t comfortable with myself, they didn’t really last long. Now I’ve been in a relationship, and actually engaged for almost 4 years. I’m partner is a cis woman, but things just seem weird. Throughout all my life I had been so obsessed with being liked and being in a relationship that I never took time to take care of myself since I was too busy taking care of somebody else and trying to make people like me and pretending to be something I’m not. My New Years resolution for 2019 was to officially be myself. And I believe I’ve been doing a pretty good job, I’ve grown a lot this past year and I finally came out. My parents act like it never happened, they never bring it up and never want to talk about it. They don’t treat me differently but you can tel there’s just that weird vibe now. My fiancée nearly broke up with me, her household is NOT very welcoming of LGBT+ things, so she was just raised under that strict regime. My friends were all cool with it, and were very happy with me. Ever since then, things with my fiancée have been very weird. Since coming out, I’ve really been thinking about how many opportunities I’ve missed and how many decisions I regret. Since life is so short I wish I could’ve just accepted who I was WAY earlier in life. I regret never dating more. And it is kind of terrible but I kind of regret getting engaged so soon. I’ve always been one to rush into things and it’s caused so much regret in my life. I love my fiancée, but I’m growing and I want to be able to experience as much as I can in life so I can end it happily, rather than living through life always dreaming of what I could’ve done. I’m just not sure what to do. There’s A LOT of other things that have caused our relationship to get kind of funky, but this is honestly my main dilemma. I’ve grown more in this past year than I have in my entire life, and she’s too immature and bullheaded to grow herself, so it feels as though she’s dragging me down... I love her and I’d like to spend my life with her, but I don’t know if I can do that with her basically being an anchor.
Submitted November 17, 2019 at 10:48PM by TheDeadlyGerm https://ift.tt/2XnFOvj
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